Reports and Opinions

Keeping up With the Jones’ – The iPhone 12

Opinion by Jas Bains. 

A new iPhone has finally been released! For Apple fans across the globe, this is some of the most exciting news they have received since Brunel’s lecture hall decided to install comfortable seating (it hasn’t but I imagine the reaction would cause just as much of a stir). With all its various shapes, sizes, colour combinations and clever charging ‘solutions’ have we reached the pinnacle of cell phone technology or is it just another flex?

As an iPhone user myself – albeit a practically pre-historic iPhone 8 – I fail to see anything that I would deem innovative enough to warrant the new model. Of course, as a student with a maintenance loan as my only source of financial aid (and the fact that I’m tighter than two coats of paint) this would be my opinion. But I’m probably not the target audience. For instance, I still have the same pair of trainers I was given at the age of 15 and continue to wear them until the pavement begins tickling my feet. Frugal I think is the term that would describe someone who opts not to change things until they’re beyond repair.

So of course, I won’t buy the newest iPhone no matter how slow Apple decides to make my current phone. Because I’ve owned an Android in the past, so I know what slow really means. Don’t misunderstand my stance here, I know that your Samsung Galactic Universe 10 Note, or whatever it’s called this week, will allow you to play all the games you’d like without worrying about internal capacity when you can just stick a memory card in there and complain about how terrible your Snapchat camera is.

Okay so maybe I have been unkind to Apple (and Android users but they probably won’t make it past the title anyway) but I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that the iPhone 12 simply doesn’t offer enough to warrant such a price tag. Straddling a grand by the way. Yes, there are numerous network providers who are able to provide you a great monthly rate with a new handset but by the time you (or a generous benefactor) has completed the 24 month contract payments, there’ll be an even better iPhone out.

The iPhone 14? Shinier. Bigger. Space grey-ier. And what does that make of your now ancient iPhone 12? You’ve done all the updates you can, including the one that opens Instagram for you and likes the photo of XxStacie_loves_travellingxX’s misspelt Starbucks cup of Perú Origin Espresso Latte simply by recognising the way you shake your elbow. But it still doesn’t open the front-facing camera quickly enough. You had to wait 0.0002 seconds today for it to open the camera app in the first place. Unacceptable.

Or maybe you’ll keep your current iPhone. You’ve grown fond of its imperfections and cracked screen. You have to plug the charging port in a funny way because there’s pocket lint in there and you can’t bring yourself to clean it (cotton bud is fine by the way but plastic kills turtles). The face recognition reminds you that someone will accept your face no matter how ugly it is.

The new iPhones do this too? Underwater you say? Well maybe I’ve been too harsh. Maybe underwater Tinder video calls are the future of dating. Maybe you can trade your current iPhone in to CEX and they’ll give you £28 with the box, charger, plug and headphones still in their sealed packaging. Maybe they won’t. Keep your iPhone. Use that money for something more interesting like a used Renault Clio or a pencil sharpener.

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